About Landscape II:
“I look at this painting and I think: "busy". This is exactly what my life is right now. I have a powerful urge to achieve as much as I possibly can in as short a time frame as I can muster.
I know a man who is powerful and strong in a way that most men yearn to be. His name is Gord. He's a warrior and a king and a magician and a lover and he also carries more mother energy than any other man I've met. I was telling him that my drive to achieve and accomplish was almost overwhelming; like it had a life of its own. He said this was called a 'sovereign wound'. He said it was something he has struggled with as well and in the end, it has had some pretty powerful benefits for him.
In contemplation, this sovereign wound of mine has its roots in not feeling like anything I ever do is good enough and that ultimately I am not worthy of anyone's love. Maybe if I can accomplish just that much more on that much larger of a scale I will earn that love that I so desperately want. Maybe then I will be embraced and celebrated for my unique gifts and abilities. And yet this is not actually a love I will ever find in outsourcing.
It's amazing that I still carry this wound, that I scrape it open every time it starts to cover up so I can keep telling myself this story. Amazing because it is so defeating, so restricting. Like a tourniquet that has been minimizing the flow of life and blood and love. Here I stand with a choice to let it go, knowing its detriment, yet I still want to hang on. I fear that this pain is an intricate part of my identity. If I let it go, I let 'me' go. It is terrifying."